Pregnancy week 14.5

weight: 225
pregnancy weight gain to date: 7 lbs

Honestly, I'm bad!!I am eating WHATEVER I want.. I don't know why but I am. I haven't started exercising yet either. I guess I am rebelling a bit while I can. I have been really tired still. I think the lack of exercise on top of being pregnant is kicking my butt. I am going to try & get to the gym atleast 3 times a week this week. I have a dr. Appt on Tuesday. I really shouldn't gain more than 15 pounds so I really need to kick my efforts up a notch.

On a personal note, things are not too good with the hubby right now. Everytime I am pregnant, he pulls away physically and emotionally. It is like we are ''just friends'' right now. This is nothing new to me because I have been pregnant 4 times now and it has happened EVERY SINGLE TIME. This time is bugging me tho. I am just sick of the same old things he says to me.... ''I guess I'm just not meant to be happy'' (meaning that he can't be happy with a fat wife) or ''I'm trying so hard to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings but I'm just not attracted to you'' .

Today I almost feel as if I want him to leave and find that skinny girl that will solve all his problems and magically ''make him happy''. I believe happiness comes from within. What's your opinion?

I know I am not the best, most driven person in the world. I know I have so much room to grow and be better. I am not claiming to be perfect but nobody is perfect. He is certainly not perfect but I look past his faults & love him despite. Why is it different for him??

I'm also not trying to make excuses for myself. I am going to eat better and start exercising. I DO FEEL so much better when I am in control. I do not want to be overweight all my life and I probably should have waited to get pregnant till I lost weight but oh well, what's done is done. It wasn't really planned but I did want it to happen. Why? Who knows... :)

Update

I am still here and alive. I just had a doctor appt. I am almost 11 weeks pregnant and just heard the baby heartbeat! It was such an emotional experience. I have never shed tears at such a precious sound before. I am getting very excited about the baby.

I am still weighing every morning. I have done pretty good but I still have my treats once in a while. When I eat sugar, I feel sick which I consider good... Hahaha I weighed in at 222 this morning. I have put on almost 3 pounds. Doctor said that is good but wants me to start exercising regularly. So.... I'm going to start to exercise daily... I think I'm going to try water aerobics & walking. I need to get moving.

Still struggling

This blog used to be a blog that nobody reads. I could write whatever I wanted and knew I'd be the only one who read it. Now I am having a hard time wanting to write my struggles. I don't want to disappoint anybody. I need to keep writing and keep a record of everything I go thru. I know I will be happy I did, even though it is difficult to admit that I am not doing good.

I am really having a hard time regaining control of myself. Everytime I eat sugar I feel SICK to my stomach but I keep eating it. I committed to getting back on the plan on Wednesday and I did fine for 1 day and then I just let it creep back. I was so determined that I had control and I now feel I lost it.

A lot of my problem is that I'm too tired to cook and I'm too broke to get food somewhere. Plus, Nothing sounds good to me. Right now, I haven't had lunch but I don't know what to eat. I get hungry every hour and when I don't eat I get shaky. The sugar and crap is the easiest to eat.... I need a personal chef..... (in my dreams) hahaha

I know I have it in me to do this. I have the strength.... I've done it before. What is wrong with me?? My next dr. Appointment is in 21 days. I am setting a goal to take off 4 pounds before that date. Wish me luck.

221

I am having a real struggle. I have decided to announce that I am pregnant. I found out 3 weeks ago. Because of this pregnancy, I am not able to continue the HCG. I have been in such control of myself until this past week. I have miscarried before so I think me being nervous has triggered my want to eat?? It is the first time that I ate sugar for a while. I feared ever eating it again because it was my addiction. The moment I let go, I feel the hold it is taking of me again!! I don't need this sugar but when I have it, I want more!!

I want to be as healthy as I can this pregnancy. I am 30 pounds lighter and I feel good. I do not want to let myself go and have to battle this AGAIN!! I felt like I won already. I have gained 4 pounds since my lowest weight. I am still under my LIW. I feel I still have a chance to turn this around.

Here is my recommitment!! Please be there with me. I need this support! It means so much to me and it gives me strength.

I'll try to keep this updated because I would love to have an account of this pregnancy and how I control my weight. It is important that I stay low carb and low sugar because I get gestational diabetes when I am pregnant. Thanks to all fo you who follow my blog and are always there with encouargement!!

220.4

I am still under my LIW but I really had a hard day and I messed up again. Now, I know that the low carb High fat diet is the ONLY way for me to eat and maintain my weight. I have been so disciplined since I started HCG. I haven't steered away from the plan until 2 days ago and I have already gained 3 pounds since my lowest weight of 217.4. I haven't been keeping track of my foods like I had because the program on my phone has been messed up. I am going to try & get it back on here and make it work. This program really helps me keep my intake of carbs, proteins and fats in the balance I need them. I think not keeping track of things made me feel like I could go off the plan.

The hubby & I talked last night and I feel so much better. I am ready to continue on my healthy way of eating. I can't ever forget how far I have come.

219.4

Woops, I have been doing so good so I thought I'd go to one of my favorite places to eat with my daughter. We went to Applebees. I decided to get french onion soup(no bread) and dynomite shrimp. I have NO IDEA how many calories are in each of these but I thought I'd see how my body does. I was up 1.4 pounds!! I am a little bummed!! I have been a little relaxed on the foods I have been eating. I still have had NO sugar or white bread or pasta.

I am really a little down. My husband and I had a tense moment last night. He has been so good to me lately but last night he was back to his old self. All my feelings of security are gone even after the apology. I am sad and it is Mother's Day. I feel like I can't enjoy this day. Why can't I forgive and trust again knowing we all make mistakes?? I am praying for peace in my heart right now.

Food has always been my comfort when I got hurt. Now, I don't use food for comfort. How do I plan to find comfort now?? I need comfort from prayer and faith now. I will get thru this. I will stay on the path of health!!

218

I LOVE watching the biggest loser!!! Does anyone else just LOVE it?? I get so emotional when I watch that show. I know others who have never had weight issues may not understand the emotional rollercoaster it is to battle your weight.

I am suprised that I am not tempted with sugar anymore. That used to be my weakness. Now I see it and walk right by. I have enjoyed findng dessert recipes and substituting truvia or splenda for sugar and almond flour plus flaxseed meal for the flour. It is enjoyable to me.

I am not ready to start my next round yet. I have had some money issues and other things going on but I am maintaining well and that makes me happy. Goodbye till next time!