Pregnancy week 14.5

weight: 225
pregnancy weight gain to date: 7 lbs

Honestly, I'm bad!!I am eating WHATEVER I want.. I don't know why but I am. I haven't started exercising yet either. I guess I am rebelling a bit while I can. I have been really tired still. I think the lack of exercise on top of being pregnant is kicking my butt. I am going to try & get to the gym atleast 3 times a week this week. I have a dr. Appt on Tuesday. I really shouldn't gain more than 15 pounds so I really need to kick my efforts up a notch.

On a personal note, things are not too good with the hubby right now. Everytime I am pregnant, he pulls away physically and emotionally. It is like we are ''just friends'' right now. This is nothing new to me because I have been pregnant 4 times now and it has happened EVERY SINGLE TIME. This time is bugging me tho. I am just sick of the same old things he says to me.... ''I guess I'm just not meant to be happy'' (meaning that he can't be happy with a fat wife) or ''I'm trying so hard to be nice and don't want to hurt your feelings but I'm just not attracted to you'' .

Today I almost feel as if I want him to leave and find that skinny girl that will solve all his problems and magically ''make him happy''. I believe happiness comes from within. What's your opinion?

I know I am not the best, most driven person in the world. I know I have so much room to grow and be better. I am not claiming to be perfect but nobody is perfect. He is certainly not perfect but I look past his faults & love him despite. Why is it different for him??

I'm also not trying to make excuses for myself. I am going to eat better and start exercising. I DO FEEL so much better when I am in control. I do not want to be overweight all my life and I probably should have waited to get pregnant till I lost weight but oh well, what's done is done. It wasn't really planned but I did want it to happen. Why? Who knows... :)